Nov 12 2025 – Chaos after Peace
Though tiring, I’ve had a decent couple of months lately.
I spent 2 months preparing to sell my art face to face for the first time. Then, after having attended these events, I felt at peace.
So peaceful was my normally anxious mind that it bordered dissociation. The world was a little bit hazy and I felt like I could breathe.
That didn’t last long.
2 days after my first event I broke down in the middle of the night when I thought I was doing fine. I found myself curled up in bed obssessively whispering about how much I hated myself and felt guilty for being a burden to everyone around me.
I remember staring at myself in the mirror, eyes bloodshot and almost dry heaving into the sink, thinking… Fuck…all those years of healing undone by one night…
Now, when I say that I love myself, my voice trembles and my confidence wavers…
But this too shall pass.
Poetry
The last time I wrote a Haiku was in high school. I got carried away and wrote 3 poems.
Haiku 1
The pinpricks don’t lie
I’ve been holding it inside
Anxiety bile
Haiku 2
I thought I was fine
But the ache inside my heart
claws its way outside
Haiku 3
A gut wrenching cry
In the middle of the night
Depression, still here
Sketch
About The Art
The poems I wrote mirror what I felt during the experience.
And the sketch reminds me of the peace I felt before the break down.
Like sitting in a grassy field and you feel a soft breeze and you think it’s ok but the wind starts to pick up looking like it’s about to knock everything over.
Interesting Fact
A Haiku is a poem consisting of 3 lines and a 5, 7, 5 syllable structure.
- This type of poem originates from Japan.
Thank you for reading my first official post. 🙂
Have a lovely day!
-Lei
Disclaimer: This content is originally from my substack. I’m moving all posts to amaleiiii, for ease of use.
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