It brings tears to my eyes realizing that I want to be an artist for the rest of my life. I’ve never been more sure about anything else. I want to be an artist so much—I’m willing to turn it into a business. I hate working, but I love making art, so this whole process—starting a shop, buying prints, looking into printers and paper, galleries and art residencies—is just so lovely to me.

I was thinking recently that for my 25th birthday, I want to go out to a restaurant by myself. Somewhere scenic, somewhere beautiful, preferably surrounded by trees, and just celebrate being alive. Because my god, this year really tested me. Fourteen-year-old me would be so confused. I remember being confused that year—“I’m still alive? Why?”—but it’s been 11 years now, and I’m still surprised.

I’m always thinking about being 25 with nothing to show for it… but maybe that’s okay. Being alive is something to show—something I’m proud of. Despite everything, I’m still here. Life is painful, but at least I get to have it. That’s a realization I’ve had to come to for myself. Life is painful, but not existing is worse—because then you don’t get to be you, you don’t get to look at nature and feel good, you don’t get to play with your cats (who I love). Right now, I just enjoy existing, even with all the hard bits.

And so, when it’s inevitably my time to go, I think I’ll accept it gracefully. I’m following what I want to do in life, so it’s okay whenever that may happen. Even if I don’t achieve anything big, just following my dreams—right now, I’m so content with that. I’m so content with the journey.

– Leynie

08/31/2025