A week ago, I accidentally cut a small chunk of my index finger while attempting to open a can with a knife. Now I can see more of my nail bed than I’ve ever wanted to see.

I was unmotivated back then, so the ease at which the metal sliced my flesh shocked me into doing something with my life that day. Lethargy be damned!

…Stupidity aside, I’ve been exercising more and eating less sugar. It’s been about a month since I’ve started these habits and I aim to keep them up throughout this year.

Art

I’m working on a piece commissioned by my mother for her friend’s wedding gift. But I’m conflicted. Should I charge her for it?

I’m finding that when people see my art in its final stage, the effort and time I’ve put in takes a backseat. I’ve been working on this commission for more than 2 months now, so I’m wondering how to go about this.

Next, I’m currently working on 2 large abstract pieces that have been in the works since 2025.

Other than that, There’s this drawing I’m contemplating on deleting. It’s a cute little spider pumpkin I drew for halloween last year. I love the teeth on it but that’s about it.

Below are all the pumpkins I drew last year:

Also, my newsletter is still going strong. I’m on week 8 of the Poem & a Sketch series, while working on other series as well. I’ve learned to start asking questions instead of just talking at my readers.

I’m also wondering If I should put all of my posts here instead of Substack so that I save myself the headache of posting on multiple sites.

Besides that, If you’re interested in my poetry and sketches, Find my Newsletter Here on Substack.

Writing

In order to write well I received advice that I should read well written work, so I started with the Harry Potter books and very quickly gave up on the first.

The book was written too simply for me to take any inspiration from it and I have a low tolerance for doing things I don’t want to do. So, I decided to stop reading the book and keep the movies in mind as the primary source of nostalgia I have for the content. The next book series I’ll attempt to read is Lord of the Rings.

Throughout all that, inspiration struck me in the unlikeliest of places; a gastroenterologist’s office. As I waited for the doctor in the small consultation room, I thought of the fanfiction I had written previously.

The main character of that book went from an office worker to a knight and absolutely flourished in the position.

However, unlike her, I wanted the character of this story to struggle more with the change of the normal life he had to the one he’s thrust into. Thats how I came up with the plot. I’m sticking with this version. It only took about 6 rewrites…

I also changed the main character’s name from Silas to Solace.

It just feels right.

Career

I’m still unemployed but If you find my career, please call me. It seems to always be slipping from my grasp.

I started driving for Doordash as a way to make money here and there. But then there was a day when I made $20 during my full session and I got so unmotivated that I didn’t go back to work for a week after that. Humorously, I worked a few days ago at night and made $21. It’s a step up from $20.

Besides that, since I can’t keep still and relax, less I think my life is over, I’m doing other things. I’ve decided to start learning Art Licensing and Graphic Design. I have the books and the material, I just need to…actually start.

I do find it funny though that I need to learn Adobe Illustration and Indesign. But they’re all based on monthly subscriptions. Adobe Illustration is $22.99… It’s really funny if you think about how much I made with doordash. I’m laughing as I write this…

Other than that, I’m still applying for business roles that I’m qualified for. And I’m still getting interviews here and there. The problem is getting the job. I’ve always been socially awkward so I’m wondering if that’s leaking out during these interviews.

I’m almost starting to think I wasn’t meant to work a normal job with how shit applying for jobs has been.

Ever gotten rejected from Mcdonald’s with a bachelor’s degree? I have, and I take the humbling in stride. I spend my days applying to jobs that I cant do due to a past foot injury that doesn’t allow me to stand for long periods of time. Even writing it makes me feel claustrophobic with how little I can do in my current circumstances.

But perhaps I’m overdramatizing the situation. It’s only been a year since I’ve graduated. I have 40+ more years of joyful suffering to live through…potentially, so it’s not that bad in the grand scheme of things.

Life

I turned 25 (in December so it kinda counts).

I cried.

I wiped my tears and I’m hanging in there…barely.

My cats are still adorable. I’m slowly starting to love the dog my dad brought home all of a sudden. My music playlists have increased and I’ve been reading more.

I’m currently reading Thriving artists Don’t Starve by Jeff Goins. But I got sad several times while reading the book because none of the examples he’s using so far fit who I am. A neurodivergent black woman who’s just starting her career while being mentally ill.

It’s unfair of me to want that as an example in a book thats already published so I keep reading and take notes, maybe something in that book will help navigate the void that’s on this path that I’m taking as an artist.

Moving on, I’m proud of myself for being calm and composed while a chunk of my finger was gone. The missing chunk is slowly growing back. That’s something to celebrate.

I’d like to thank vaseline for its miraculous contribution to the healing of my injury.

Sponsor me, Vaseline…

New Aspirations

I… think I wanna try acting. I feel rigid as a person and becoming a theater kid might help me go through life more freely.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the new year didn’t magically undo my worries but I’m hopeful that better days are coming. I have new aspirations, I’m working on so many projects.

I also try to enjoy the little things. Music is still a daily joy, so is drawing. So as always I’m hanging in there, enjoying the small pleasures of life while I work towards the bigger ones.