I Love Webtoons.
To me, Webtoons/ comics are up there with music, reading when it comes to the things I consume for entertainment.
So it shouldn’t come as a surprise when I mention that I recently completed season 1 of : Acting Genius Top Idol! A 93 chapter Korean comic about an actor who’s been given a second chance at life on the condition that he be a singer this time around.
(Spoilers below)
In chapter 90, the main character comes to perform at a high school as part of a program that grants kids’ request of their favorite idols’ performance.
The girl who requested that his group (BEST BOYS) perform had been inspired by his success and perceived strength (on reality TV competitions) while being an orphan.
As an orphan herself, she wondered how he bore through the pain. He had been abandoned and looked down upon for his situation many times in the media.
So, during a visit to her orphanage, she approached him and asked:
“What type of effort does it take to be okay?”
He responded: “Moving forward while doing what I love?”
In turn, she asked : “Did living like that make you feel better?”
And he ended it with:
“No. But everyone goes through times when they’re not okay. Life is what you make of it, so don’t trap yourself in unhappiness.”
For someone going through a hard time, I find that to be the perfect answer. No matter how much we try, it’s not like we’ll only ever be happy or feel good. Pain and suffering are inevitable. But so are good times and quiet moments of joy.
His words reminded me to be more kind to myself and to look at the bigger picture with kind eyes. My misery is not all that I am.
I often worry about being too negative. I worry about giving my pain too much voice instead of the little happy moments I feel everyday.
Like the love that I have for my cats and my family.
Like the joy I feel when I go outside and I’m hit with that frosty, refreshing wind.
That quote: don’t trap yourself in unhappiness, really resonated with me. I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing to myself all these years.
Internalizing the pain until the peaceful moments no longer matter.
Until all I am is my pain.
After 15 plus years of living with depression I guess I just started to feel myself withering away.
I bounce back with less energy every time I’m hit with an episode of pain and suffering.
So much so, that I’m starting to avoid things that are necessary for growth but uncomfortable.
My mindset has turned into:
Everything sucks. why should I try?
But once again I’ve thankfully been reminded that:
The pain may have me in a choke hold but I’m more than the wound that I have.
And there are so many things around me that heal me and allow me to keep going.
Now, to drill this into my head.
– Lei
amaleiiii 